Dear Madam or Sir

As a new member of the unemployed, I've started to look back at my past work history, or more directly, the jobs I almost immediately quit or ran from. Here's the list of the ones I can remember:

Telemarketer selling newspaper subscriptions for the Chronicle Herald. When I couldn't even get through the fake run through with a customer without panicking, stuttering and sweating, I knew sales wasn't the job for me.

Coffee shop girl at Cafe Amadeus. My boss was an angry German who said he wasn't going to pay me for my three training shifts. I didn't know where anything was or how to make any of the sandwiches or fancy coffee drinks but he'd continue to yell at me to work faster. He then said he wanted to hire me permanently because I asked questions. Huh? I called in on the day of my shift, a few minutes before I was supposed to start, and said I wasn't coming back. I kept the apron.

Counter staff at Video Difference. This job was unique because I was fired for, as the assistant manager put it, "having a bad attitude and not fitting in". Jackass. Too bad, I liked the staff discounts.

Soup ladle girl at The Great Canadian Soup Restaurant in Calgary. I was the smallest person behind the counter and had to carry massive pots of steaming hot soup. I pulled my back, burned my arms and ended up on the first plane home and in physio. Good times.

Temp office help at the Irish Centre for Continuing Pharmaceutical Education. I was supposed to help with data entry but within five minutes of meeting my manager and being pre-accused of looking at her personal files, and being screamed at for not labeling envelopes properly and having them ripped up about an inch from my face, I called the agency and hauled ass outta there.

Temp bank help at the Bank of Ireland Mortgage Department. I knew and still know nothing about mortgages. When you move from apartment to apartment, sometimes living in several during the span of one year like I have, a mortgage or the concept of one never gets your attention. I had to answer calls from customers who wanted to know about fixed variable rates, rising insurance costs and something about locking in for a ten year plan. I panicked and threw the receiver at the desk during one call. Not a good sign. Plus, I had to wear a headset.

Live-in nanny for two children. I was offered a nanny job by a woman who was a consultant for my former landlord. What was supposed to be an interview over coffee became a job proposal. The kids were present and I learned that I'd be picking them up from soccer, band practice, Brownies, Scouts, along with taking them to school, meeting them at the bus stop, cooking food and cleaning her house. And in case that wasn't enough, she then decided she wanted me to move in and help her out from home so she could always have me on hand. Oh yeah, and she wanted to pay me $6 an hour! I knew I was in for a wild ride when she asked me how much minimum wage was. The next morning she called me at 8 am, asking me to immediately come to her house and take care of her sick kid. Uh uh. I had her meet me for coffee and over a nervous sugar rush and jitters, told her I wasn't the Mary Poppins she was lookin' for.

Cater-waiter at a harbour front restaurant. I thought this would be a great way to make extra cash. That was until I went to the first training session where I was the oldest person there by at least five years, the warehouse was very cold, I would have to buy my own uniform and wouldn't get tips. Buh bye.

Front Desk Agent at the Banff Springs Hotel. The uniforms. Talking to strangers. Having a perma-grin on my face at all times. Nope. Couldn't do it.

So, what have I learned from these experiences in employment? I should just stick with what I know.