My Nemesis-Acorns

I'm really loving this place. Beautiful scenery, warm weather, and lots and lots of relaxation. I'm not exactly sitting on my ass doing nothing, then again I'm not exactly working my ass off either. I'm actually getting a lot of exercise doing something I haven't helped out with in years...yardwork.

It's bizzare. I remember when we lived in Fall River having to help out with the raking of the leaves every fall. We were surrounded by trees, apple, pear, cherry, not to mention the maples, popular, ash, etc. Just when you thought you'd conquered the forest, the forest on your neighbour's property settled onto your front lawn because of a shift in the wind. You'd curse the wind, your neighbour and threaten to cut down the trees, but you kept on raking. Oh yeah, and it was always wet and cold. Flippin' Canada.

We're not exactly into the height of leaf raking season at the moment, however it is the apex of acorn raking. I have a new nemesis. Acorns. I freaking hate acorns. I hate Oak trees. Yes, they're tall and majestic and a wonder to take in, but they produce millions of acorns that get stuck in your grass and have to be raked out. Every five minutes about 20 of them drop onto the ground from a shift in the wind, squirrels running on a branch or the heat of the sun. Occassionally one will hit me on the head producing harshly muttered expletives and violent hand gestures directed at the suspecting tree. Without exaggeration, there are literally millions of acorns in the backyard. Now how hard could it possibly be to rake up little acorns? Un-frickin-believeably hard!!

This place is full of wildlife like squirrels and chipmunks but for some reason, these little rodents don't dig the 'corns. They want the seeds on the deck, but are adverse to doing what generations and generations of flying rodents before them have done and EAT THE ACORNS! What is with them? My sister reminded me of a quote from Sex and the City. I don't usually quote from that show because in my experience, most girls who use its quotes, talk about which character they're like or take advice and base their entire dating plan on that show are incredibly sad. It's fiction! Judging aside however, Carried Bradshaw did say that a squirrel was a rat with a cuter outfit. I'm inclined to believe that. Anyhow, I'm trying to think up ways to make money off these tree droppings. Too bad they're inedible. God, I'd make a fortune!

However, there is a positive side to this dilemma. I have the acorns to thank for my growing muscles in my upper arms. My stick-like frame is developing um, what's it called again...oh yes, strength! Something I don't think I've ever possessed. I was always the one with the note for the gym teacher saying that I was sick so I could sit on the stage and not have to play dodgeball or soccer baseball (those unfamiliar, don't ask). I'd watch my classmates run around and wonder how they could get hot and sweaty. So much pressure in junior high. It was disgusting.

Not only am I spending my days raking useless tiny acorns, I'm also helping my Dad paint the exterior of the house. I don't mind doing this, actually it's fun. I can only reach up about seven slats high, which doesn't exactly give me that much work to do, but I have developed hand crippling pain from holding the brush. It's a little reminiscent of Grounds Keeper Willie and the crippling arthritus in his thumbs from Space Invaders, but minus the Atari. Anyhow, I'm outside breathing in fresh air, not sitting in front of a computer, answering phones or running around a newsroom. It's kind of refreshing.

I'm also going through boxes and boxes of stuff I haven't seen since I left for Japan circa 2004. I'm finding boxes of old letters, toys, videos, and tonnes of ridiculous crap that I have no idea why I held on to. I've found some truly embarrassing letters and journals, but I'll fill you in on anything truly amusing and not too shameful shows up.

Acorn soup anyone?